Understanding the Blessing of Cancer

Sarah F. Langford

I do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace.

- Helen Keller

It is quite remarkable that at different times in my young life, a simple understanding of the personal plans the Lord has crafted for me, has brought a deep sense of peace and comfort to my soul. Of course in the midst of the tragedies of life, the trial or suffering, the sickness or heartache, we often feel abandoned by the comfort of peace and find the few remaining drops of understanding escaping our minds. Darkness fills our thoughts, thick clouds replace our understanding, and all comforting light seems to disappear. At these lowly times, I have desperately sought after, starved for, searched and even screamed to my Father in Heaven for answers. My family and I experienced one of these lowly moments a little over a year ago.

The year 2007 brought a twist to my life, my family’s life but mostly my dad. We think we know. We make plans, pick courses for fall semester, plan trips, organize weddings, have our goals set and in a matter of moments, less than one fine day, it can all blow out the window. My dad was diagnosed with cancer. Serious cancer. I still struggle believing it. We continue to battle the silent sickness as we are faced with this burden of a blessing each day. When he was first diagnosed, what fear filled my entire being. Yet now, over the months of this journey out of a frightening darkness, a deeper understanding of the Lord's goodness has become a source of comforting light that is slowly replacing the darkness. In Isaiah 12 and 2 Nephi 22, we find the necessary confidence to get through any trial: “Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid; for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song”. Fear can be replaced by faith, and with faith comes an understanding of the Lord’s powerful plans and tender mercies we each must face in this life.

In the bible, we are reminded in Proverbs to “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.” We can not depend upon our own understanding to direct our path. We must acknowledge the Lord’s will and give our entire heart to His divine plan. At times, it is extremely hard for us to depend upon the Lord. We think we have the answers for ourselves but realistically we lack the capacity to fully understand the flawless eternal plan of the Lord. “We mortals have a limited view of life from the eternal perspective. But if we know and understand Heavenly Father’s plan, we realize that dealing with adversity is one of the chief ways we are tested. Our faith in our Heavenly Father and his beloved Son, Jesus Christ, is the source of inner strength” (Ballard). This inner strength of faith and trust in the Lord illuminates the light of understanding that is necessary to gain wisdom from the Lord. Wisdom does not come instantly. It is “an understanding of what is true, right, or lasting”(American). To gain wisdom in the Lord’s plan takes serious time and sincere commitment. Wisdom is distinguished from knowledge or understanding, as it “… is the capacity of judging soundly and dealing broadly with facts, especially in their practical relations to life and conduct. The development of this capacity, which converts knowledge into wisdom, is one of the blessings that comes from receiving the guidance and companionship of the Holy Spirit after we have entered into the Master’s church” (Romney).

The gift of the Holy Spirit is indeed a crucial aspect of having an understanding of the Lord’s plan and wisdom in the Lord’s will. In our darkest trials and tribulations, this sacred Comforter can bring peace and love to our souls. While sitting beside my father at chemotherapy treatments, going to doctor appointments, or hospital visits, waiting, waiting, waiting, it was as if I could feel my Savior’s love wrapped around me through the Holy Spirit. When I finally realized the blessing of the burden of cancer, in which I saw the strengthening of my family as well as my personal relationship with my father, I felt as if I was amongst the people mentioned in 2 Nephi 19: 2. “The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light; they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined”. I have felt the light of Christ enter into my heart, and enlighten my mind, giving me a greater more complete understanding of His will. At that moment, when an answer comes, we comprehend the Lord’s will and take part in a portion of his infinite wisdom. As I increase my understanding of the Lord’s power and divinity, the comforting reassuring promise in these words has become a permanent reminder in my heart, mind, and soul. “Peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment, and then, if thou endure it well, God will exalt thee on high (D&C 121:7-8)

I still to this day can not find an answer as to why my father continues to battle cancer. I still do not know why he must suffer through agonizing chemotherapy treatments, horrifying side effects, and tortuous procedures. What I do know is the Lord provides comforting wisdom for us in our trials. What I do know is this: The Lord “…comprehendeth all things, and all things are before him, and all things are round about him; and he is above all things, and in all things, and is round about all things; and all things are by him…”(D&C 88:41). Although I don’t comprehend cancer, He does. He is already there; whatever may come, the Lord is already there. I understand that no matter what trial or treatment we face, “…His hand is stretched out still”(2 Nephi 19:17). He will never abandon us or desert us. No not even one of us, no “None shall be alone… ( 2 Nephi 24:31). This is what I know. I know that if we continue to seek after the Lord’s will, we can gain comforting wisdom that enlightens our understanding. I know it is possible to “…be full of the knowledge of the Lord, as the waters cover the sea” (2 Nephi 21: 9). What a beautifully grand possibility that is for all of us.

As the days have turned into months, and the months into years, cancer continues to infect my family. Yet it has healed us in many ways as well. My mind has been opened and I have been able to align my path more directly with God’s will. My family has become closer and more united in prayer and faith than ever before. I still do not understand cancer itself, but I have acquired a deeper understanding of the tender mercies of the Lord and His perfect purposes in the experiences of life we all must individually endure. In the darkest, cloudiest moments of life, my dear sweet sister often reminds me to “Remember [that] in moments of desperation, crystal rain falls from darkened clouds” (McGuire). It is so true. Some things in life that are so beautiful, inspiring, uplifting, and healing, come out of the darkest, dreariest, dreadful moments of life. This is what I understand. This is the small, bit of wisdom I have gained from the Lord. It is comforting and reassuring of the Lord’s goodness. Most importantly, I have found the understanding that brings peace to my soul and for now, that is more than enough for me to continue carrying on with hope in my heart, trust in the Lord, and wisdom in my soul.

Sources:
The Book of Mormon.
2 Nephi 19:17
2 Nephi 19: 2
2 Nephi 21: 9
2 Nephi 22:2
2 Nephi 24:31
The Holy Bible. King James Version.
Isaiah 12
Proverbs 3:5-7
The Doctrine and Covenents.
D&C 88:41
D&C 121:7-8
Ballard, M. Russell. “Answers to Life’s Questions,” Ensign, May 1995.
Ballard, M. Russell. “Building Bridges of Understanding,” Ensign, Jun 1998.
McGuire, Melanie. Personal Quote.
Romney, Marion G. “Converting Knowledge into Wisdom,” Tambuli, Oct 1983.
The American Heritage Dictionary. Third Edition.